Your presence isn’t felt.
Good morning dear reader,
I haven’t written in a long time, perhaps for lack of a reason to, or perhaps boredom with hearing the sound of my own mind churning out the same old thoughts day in and day out.
Happy birthday to me, I’m 47 today, and of all the birthdays I’ve celebrated, this year marks a tremendous milestone in my journey. This Friday, a feature film in which I played a speaking role (nay made the trailer cut no less) will play in theatres accross Canada. (No showtimes yet outside Toronto, I’m assuming more to come). After all, the film has screened at festivals Canada wide, has travelled to festivals around the world (South America and Europe), and now I randomly run into individuals who have seen me, know my name, my work, and my friends are fangirling (fanboys I’ve always had a plenty, women are harder to impress).
I love the love.
As I did Yoga this morning, my yogi master, Adrienne, called upon me to set an intention to dedicate myself to something other… than myself. Aside the cat who demanded I serve her needs to be patted immediately in the midst of my yoga pose, I landed in the moment upon that which I haven’t served in a long time… my audience.
While shooting reality during Anterockstar, I got lost in the audience, and they took over, and I lost focus on myself. I have spent many years since healing from that experience, and re-discovering who I am. The role of Leanne allowed me to live my pain in service of a fiction, the life of this woman trapped in the same small town her daughter is, who is desperately trying to find a way to help them both escape… and redeem the future in their shared love, little Jesse.
Now on the other side of that, I can say that shooting Firecrackers allowed me to grow out of that pain and step into reality a stronger woman.
Today I celebrate my birthday.. with the freedom of a Firecracker going off.